I was wondering what kind of an article I could come up with that didn’t require a lot of time or thought (I hate thinking sometimes), when suddenly it came to me: what bands would I try to book for a perfect show? A show that would go down in the history of mankind for being one of the best shows ever thrown. I sat down at my computer and started typing this article out, and before I realized it I was thinking...very hard. Damn that’s a hard question to answer. I almost set off my smoke alarm I was thinking so hard. Well, after about thirty minutes or so of staring blankly at the computer screen, I finally came up with the perfect line-up. So here’s my idea of perfection (it’s okay if you don’t agree with me. No one’s perfect).
First of all, I decided that the perfect line-up would have to be five bands. Four bands aren’t enough, and six would probably put somebody in the hospital. I don’t even want to think about having just three bands; that’s an insult. For the opening band, I would have FSN from Clarksville. A lot of people think that opening up the show is weak and for beginners, but I would have to disagree. The opening band, while maybe not playing in front of as many people as the headliner, sets the pace for the whole show. If the opening act is on top of their game and rocks out, then the rest of the bands will have to step up their game just to save face. And anybody that has caught a show by this band knows that they rock out. Vocalist Alexis Brown, guitarists Dustin "T-Bone" Wright and J.J. Hankins, bassist Frank "Stymes" Huggins, and drummer Ben Ross have to be considered among the best up and coming bands around.
Filling the second slot would be Murfreesboro band Without. This band is badass...period. I’ve only been able to catch two or three of their shows, but damn they can play. Vocalist Lee, bassist Cory, drummer Chris, and guitarists Casey and Aaron (sorry about not having last names...I thought too hard and burned the part of my brain that controls intelligence) are definitely worth the price of admission. Their brand of melodic metal is enough to drive old people crazy and young people insane. The last time I saw this band play was at The Warehouse, and Lee got so into the music that he busted his lip wide open on the microphone. Even though his lip was bleeding pretty bad, the show continued without skipping a beat. That’s badass.
This is where I started to have a little bit of trouble trying to come up with the perfect line-up; there are so many good bands in the area that could easily make this show. In fact, you can switch the order of the next three bands around in anyway that you want to and you would still end up with a historic musical event. My choice for the third band would be Malfunction Crew from Nashville. If you haven’t heard by now, this six-man band is redefining the word heavy with their absolutely scary brand of music. They bring assloads of energy with them when they play, and they leave everything they have onstage. If you haven’t had a chance to experience the Malfunction firsthand, I highly recommend getting as much protection as humanly possible and going to one of their shows. You’ll thank me for it. That is, if you make it out alive. (Just in case you didn’t notice, I didn’t include the names of the Crew members. I apologize for this, but I have a deadline to meet and I misplaced my notepad that has their names in it. I’ll try harder next time).
Taking the fourth slot is Nashville-based Lower Unit. Say what you will about this band, but they still put on one helluva show. Vocalist Ryan Agee, guitarists Eric Leaver and Kevin Smith, bassist Evan Darr, and drummer Dale Leaver have to be considered among the best live acts around, regardless of whether you like them or not. They’ve built themselves a reputation for being the "bad-boys (and girl)" of the local music scene. They’ve played in my hometown of Cadiz, Kentucky three times, and they managed to break the stage not once but twice. I’ve also witnessed Ryan punching a monitor so hard that he dented the speaker cover and bloodied up his hand. But however you look at them, they still control the crowd and make the people move like no other band. Gotta love them Unit Boyz.
Headlining my vision of perfection is Clarksville-based Lowboy (who didn’t see that one coming?). Having lived with them for almost all of last year, I can safely say that I’ve heard them more than almost anyone on the face of the planet. I was a regular at practice, and I think I missed maybe two or three of their shows during that time. I still don’t get tired of hearing these guys play. Vocalist Scott Trotter, guitarists Brian "BW" Williams and Matt Beadle, bassist Charles Irwin, and drummer Charley Grubbs form one of the tightest musical entities around. The music that these five musicians bring ranges from the melodic to the hardest material you’ll hear coming from five white boys. When they’re on top of their game there is no one better (living with them didn’t influence their inclusion in my idea of perfection in the slightest; I hold the same opinion for this band that I did before I moved in with them).
Now, I know some of you are probably getting ready to email me with death threats for not including your favorite band. 12v Negative Earth, Sub-Method, Peel, Shun, Lappdog...the list could go on and on. All of these bands could easily be included in the perfect line-up. But seeing as how I only had room for five, someone couldn’t make the cut. But you can’t argue the fact that the line-up I put together would make for one helluva show. In fact, the face of mankind might not ever be the same after a show of that magnitude. I for one would probably be scarred for life if I survived to tell about it.
